Well it seems this Aquarius Full Moon has me back again, at my not so beloved rabbit hole, the very same one I thought had completely vanished. I thought for sure that I had "licked" it. Apparently not though, Clearly, it was just buried. That's the trouble with the soul. It does not allow anything to remain buried.
As I stand before the proverbial rabbit hole, yet again, I am vibrating with fear. It would be compelling enough, if you met up with the Mad Hatter or got a peek at the Queen of Hearts, asked a few questions to the cheshire cat or even got a glimpse of what you were chasing after. But it's not like that. Not like that at all. It is the most dark and empty place on this Earth. It is a solitary pursuit. It is a relentless chase, after something that was never yours, never meant to be yours nor probably, ever going to be yours. There are no clues, no big red arrows pointing the way, no close calls that would allow you to believe that you saw something down there, but more certainly, there are no victory parties where you get to claim your prize.
It is nothing more, than a rabbit hole. A lost cause. I don't even think there are rabbits down there.
If I was to say that this would be the last, last time, that I venture down the rabbit hole, in the hopes that it would be different this time, would be a huge mistake. It's never different. It's always the same. The 801th time, would be likely the time, that I would wallow and sink and find myself lost forever.
So what do you do, after you say "Not Today"? Do you get angry and tear the shit out of everything and everybody who dares get in your way? Do you crawl in a different hole, isolate yourself from everyone and pretend you enjoy your own company. Do you vow that you will never, ever let yourself become so vulnerable again, never wanting for anything, for anybody.
Or do you wake the Fuck Up!!!
We'll see.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Donnawanna
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